Got Wedding Etiquette?

Dear Polite One, I recently married in the Bahamas with only 3 witnesses and no family. We want to host a simple ceremony and celebration once we arrive in the states. We plan to include a flower girl and ring bearer and my parents walking me down the aisle.     I understand that I shouldn't register or expect bridal showers, but many ask me where I'm registered and when I am having a shower. What should I do? For the reception, I want to have refreshments, dancing but no alcohol.   Is this proper manners ? Wants to share our joy Dear Wants to Share Our Joy, It isn't appropriate to host a second wedding or vow renewal.   It’s too soon after your first.   So, it is most appropriate to host a reception.   If you do host a vow renewal, there are no wedding elements, like attendants, including child attendants, and no one walks down the aisle with you.   You don't need an escort.   It is best if you and your husband walked in from the ...

  One of my many interviews during my decades as principal of Etiquette Now! Author: Lynette Hingle, studioD Guests Lodging Etiquette My Input ...the bride and groom are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized. Invitations ...there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card. You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the wedding. While wedding gifts are always apprecia...

  It seems that when a couple decides to marry it is just one joyous party after another until the final bash, better known as the wedding reception.   Scenes from the Wedding Crashers are now dancing in my head.   Sorry for the detour; moving on... Each party comes with its own set of etiquette rules and traditions.   For example, some pre-wedding parties are typically gift-giving events, such as the wedding shower, while the bachelor, bachelorette, and engagement parties are not.   And what about the wedding reception?   What if the couple decides to marry out of state and most close friends and relatives cannot attend?   Is it proper to host a belated reception?   And, if it is proper, how long after a wedding is it appropriate to host a reception?   So many questions. Perhaps a bit of Q & A can guide us toward being better, more polite, guests and hosts, while answering all those pesky questions.   Do I attend my friend'...

  Dear Polite One, We are planning an afternoon August wedding on a large cruise ship in the Caribbean and don't know what dress code to list for guests. Our preference is resort attire that is closer to cocktail attire--no jackets for men. I'm worried that if I list resort attire, some may wear beach attire.  What do you suggest? Sailing along Hello Sailing Along, "Evening Resort Casual" might work.   But you might want to add the word "cocktail" to create a picture that truly describes your wishes. Country club attire and evening resort wear are a few other names that work as well. Congratulations! Regards, The Polite One More by The Polite One What to wear to a wedding in Seattle? May I change shoes to dance at the reception? What is a Californian to wear to a wedding/reception in NY?

  To say that weddings have become more than just uniting two people is an understatement.  Weddings are big business these days.  Because of this, the simple ceremony where two people and their families gather to join in marriage has become this mammoth event with a life of its own.   So, many times and for many people, weddings have become a colossal headache, with unrealistic expectations, debt, and hurt feelings all around.  And, for what? To have the "perfect" wedding (whatever that is), to pretend to be a princess for a day, or to just please mothers who want to be that perfect little princess vicariously through their daughters?  It can be exhausting.  And how do guests and attendants feel about the current wedding climate?  How do they feel about the endless wedding-related events, gifts, and expectations?  What are their gripes and feelings about the all-important day to play dress-up, better known as the wedding? ...

Dear Polite One, We decided on a destination wedding due to finances.  But I'm not sure if it is truly a destination wedding since it is near us and many of our relatives.  In any case, we'd like to invite only our parents and a couple very close friends.  Afterward, we may host a reception for those not invited to the wedding.   How do I announce the event?  Is this rude to invite them to a reception and not the wedding?  I feel guilty about not having a bigger wedding budget.  Thank You. Sincerely, Empty wallet Dear Empty Wallet, This isn't a destination wedding, but the rules are the same.  Not all those invited to the reception must be invited to the wedding.  But all wedding guests must be invited to the reception.  This is because the wedding is a gift-giving  event.  You "reward" your wedding guests with a party , which is the reception, for which you cover all costs. ...

Dear Polite One, I was reading your online article , "Consider All Parents When Planning Your Wedding" and hope you can give me some advice concerning my destination wedding in Australia. Since many of our guests live in the U.S., they won't be able to attend.   So we want to have a party in the U.S. in addition to the Australian reception. Is it appropriate and if it is, should it be held before or after the wedding? Thank You, Sincerely, Puzzled Dear Puzzled, Quite often the destination wedding couple will host a reception for friends and family at their home after the wedding.  This can be as elaborate as you wish, and if held soon after you return home you may wear your gown.  It can be held in multiple locations for the convenience of your guests and at any time you wish.  Sincerely, The Polite One More From The Polite One No gifts for our destination wedding. Do we cover our destination wedding guests’ cost? When to sc...

  Dear Polite One, My sister is engaged to a man with whom she has been living for five years in Australia; we are from Canada. They expect our parents to host an engagement party here in Canada followed by two weddings – one here and one in Australia – as a gift to them. Of course, she expects my parents to attend.   In today’s society, for my mother's sake, what is expected of my parents financially? Heeeelp Dear Heeeelp, The days of the bride's parents footing the bill are gone, even though some still do.   The reason for this is that women no longer live in their dad's home, uneducated and jobless, until the day she is handed off to her husband who takes care of her. Well, at least here. So, why would it be necessary for her family to pay for her wedding when she can easily do this for herself?   Whatever your parents choose to do is a gift. Additionally, to host two weddings is one wedding too many.  She needs to decide where to marry and wed ...

Dear Polite One, We are planning a destination wedding in Cancun and inviting 100 guests including six attendants. I'm confused about what we are responsible to pay for. Do we cover the expenses for the maid of honor and best man?  I think we cover bridal attire.  I'm also told that we are responsible for the travel and lodging costs of our families as well.  The expenses are really piling up! Thanks, Confused Dear Confused, Those telling you that you pay guest’s costs haven’t read their etiquette books.  However, you are responsible for the lodging costs of all your attendants for at least two days.  You are not responsible for their attire or travel costs.   Additionally, this is an expensive event for your guests, especially when it is held in an all-inclusive resort—popular in Mexico.  Most often is the case that those guests who do not lodge at the resort, pay a “daily-use” fee to attend your wedding.  This c...

  Dear Polite One, We are planning a formal destination wedding in my fiancée's country where we are currently living. Many of her invitees are here and mine live in the United States.   Our issue is that we're not sure where we will be living after the wedding.   We will travel to the destination for the wedding and then back to the states. Obviously, we can't transport gifts with us. So, we prefer to have no gifts. How can we convey this message? Thanking you in advance. Respectfully, A Confused Groom Dear A Confused Groom, I commend you on this decision.   Most couples these days would just want to know how to ask for cash .   Bravo!   It isn't appropriate to convey this information on the invitation—too much emphasis on gifts. So, the tried-and-true method of ensuring everyone knows is by 'word of mouth'. Get the rumor mill working with you in a positive way.   A family member in the U.S. could be your RSVP recipient responsible fo...

Dear Polite One, We are planning a destination wedding, the save-the-date cards are mailed, and the invitations will be mailed two months before the wedding.   I am planning a welcome party for my guests on the beach the evening before the wedding, but don't know how I inform guests. Does something need to be included in the invitation enclosure, or something separate? Do I wait and notify those who accept the invitation?   Regards, Bride Dear Bride, This information could be included as an enclosure with your invitations.  This is a very considerate gesture on your part.  None of the brides who have contacted me inquiring about destination weddings have considered a party for their guests who must travel.   Bravo! Sincerely, The Polite One      More From The Polite One    Sister want parents to “gift” them with a wedding. Do we cover our destination wedding guests’ cost? When to sc...

  Dear Polite One, We are planning an especially small destination wedding with only immediate family attending and a large reception upon our return home. Is waiting three weeks to have the reception too long a time to wait to schedule it? Is it appropriate to register for gifts or is that a no-no because of our destination wedding? Thank you! Curious Dear Curious, It is appropriate to schedule your reception any time within the first year of marriage.  However, the longer the time in between, the more traditional elements you may want to skip, such as the bouquet and garter toss.  These are all optional anyway and may seem a bit silly the longer you are married.   Unfortunately, gifts are for the wedding, not the reception.  But it isn't inappropriate to register just in case people want to give you something.  Don't include registry information anywhere besides your wedding website—not on the first page. ...